The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
