Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
