a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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