As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
