Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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