So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
