he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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