Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
