Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it's great music for shaving your balls
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
