dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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