One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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