I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
