Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize