if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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