it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
