Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
