Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
