Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
