I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
