I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
