Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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