I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
