I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
