It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
