I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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