i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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