wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
