why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
