I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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