Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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