if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
