Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
