Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is Oprah even human
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
