I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
