PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize