i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
