My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
