I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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