i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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