My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
