the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
