I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
