I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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