So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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