i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
