my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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