youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
