She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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