the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
