I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
