I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
