Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
