you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize