How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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