There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
