Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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