ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
