so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
