Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
