I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
