I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
