I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
