I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
