i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
