i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
