do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
