you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
