I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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