I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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