First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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