oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
